You Survived
by xMeganful
Summary: They can not only survive, they can thrive. We live to tell the tale. (Dana and Amanda's assault and Sargent's death.)
1. Dana's Assault

**This chapter is graphic and may contain triggering material. I advise that sensitive readers should not read this story. I do not condone or encourage any of the violent or heinous acts performed in this chapter. Thank you for any and all views, reviews, favorites and follows.**

**Episode: Penetration (season 12, episode 8)**

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FBI Agent Dana Lewis

"Dana, on the evening of the rape, when you entered your apartment, what's the first sound you remember hearing?"

_The pale white doorway, the 5'11" figure. Instincts combined with federal training immediately kicked in, telling me to hit his weakness._

"An oof when I elbowed him in the rib."

_The hit that was too high, the flesh that was around my throat._

"This is while he was choking me. I was aiming for his nuts."

_Darkness. Paralyzed. Vulnerable. I'm trained to get out of that situation._

"Did he ever say anything to you?"

"Yeah. He was a talker."

_Softness of a mattress below my body that refused to move. My eyelids were uncontrollable, sealed shut._

"And when I came to on the bed, he was chattering on about, you know, sex stuff."

_The sound of an unknown male voice._

"What did he say to you?"

"Is this really necessary?"

"Answer the question. What exactly did he say?"

_My intact clothes were being pulled at, each button on my blouse being slowly undone. _

"He commented on my black lace brassiere."

_"What a dirty little slut you are." _

_His purpose was clearer than crystal meth; he wanted to rape me, and violate me, and humiliate me, and make me pay for something I must've done to piss him off. _

"Anything else?"

_Ripping off my panties, he continued, "I know you can't move, but I hope you're awake for this." the force of his hand impacted my face, my body unable to so much as flinch at each hit._

"...and cursed at me."

"What happened next?"

_Teeth seeped into my breast, pain and humiliation filling me. A stinging sensation covered my cheeks. The sound of a zipper forced me to brace myself, knowing the forced penetration would soon happen._

"Then he...he pulled my jaw open as far as it would go, and I couldn't breathe."

_The force, the penetration, the violation, the humiliation was all unstoppable. I couldn't fight or bite; I was exposed and defenseless. _

"Do you need a minute?"

_I need the memories gone. I need to see Coleman dead._

"No."

_"You have a velvet throat." his fingers invaded my insides, my body reacting to the intimacy. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself." h__is weight shifted, his body against mine. _

"...and his belly slapping against me, and he said-"

_"You sure are a star."_

_He was inside me in the most intimate way, controlling my body and emotions. Tears were the only element I could control, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd broken me. _

"And I just..."

_My dignity and pride were crushed. My hope was long gone. My body was uncontrollable and my head was screaming to end it all.  
_

"I just wanted to die."

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**Dana has always been one of my favourite characters, so writing this truly did break my heart. This fanfic was inspired by chapter thirteen of "Empty Room" by JoyfulMariska. The reason I wanted to combine Dana's testimony from "Penetration" (12x08) about her own rape with what I've written was for the sole purpose of showing how destroying sexual assault is. If you can honestly read this chapter and believe it's not an issue in this world and sexual assault is perfectly okay, I hope you rot in a cell for the rest of your days.**

**Thank you for reading.**

**~xMeganful**


	2. A Sargent's Death

**This chapter is graphic and may contain triggering material. I advise that sensitive readers should not read this chapter. I do not condone or encourage any of the violent or heinous acts performed in this chapter. Thank you for any and all views, reviews, favorites and follows.**

* * *

Her body lay lifeless, her skin that once glowed with happiness had turned cold and pale. The young girl remained whimpering, hanging from the concrete ceiling by her wrists with traumatic events fresh in her mind. Two gunshots had gone off, one embedded in the perpetrator's skull, and the other in the detective's. She was dead on arrival.

The room was silent, devastation filling each soul. Murmurs began rising and tears began falling. Nobody checked for a pulse, knowing the amount of blood lost meant her death was inevitable. The news was publicly announced that night.

Her squad members cried and screamed, even those who had always been composed. Victims she once knew came forward, placing flowers in front of the old building she was murdered in. Colleagues, victims, friends, family, attorneys and judges all mourned the Sargent. Her kidnapper was announced as the shooter.

The detective was gone; her life halted by a single bullet. She had a passion that would rage and roar. Within her was an uncrushable hope and dedication to her job that never faded. She stood for those that didn't have a voice and for those who deserved justice.

Her unit became quieter, the fire that fueled the unit now snuffed out. A new aura was in the air, the room once filled with enthusiastic and adept detectives was now filled with silently tearful ones.

The M.E attempted to run the autopsy, though her emotions overpowered her professional stance. Telling herself it was just a body was useless; this was her friend's empty shell.

Her boyfriend was distraught, his lover found in a pool of her own blood. After a decade of waiting for the detective's feeling to become more than professional, she had finally let him love her. She had finally let him become more than another detective. It was _really __something._

Upon hearing the news about her death, her old partner let down his walls and cried silently, wishing for a moment longer with the Sargent. They had barely been in contact the last few years; he wished for just one more moment, one more word, one more glance.

After nearly two decades of assisting victims, she had acquired hundreds of admires. People all over America were moved by the detective's death; she'd been murdered for assisting a child who had been kidnapped by a serial rapist and murderer. Victims that she had once helped regain their lives and thrive again, taking back the control that was ripped away from them one fateful night.

Her life had been dedicated to her job and it was what got her killed.

The funeral was silent, with over a hundred fellow officers, victims and friends present.

"You okay?" Detective Tuotola approached his colleague, both of them in uniform and her hair in a ponytail. She forced herself to smile, suppressing tears that were begging to fall.

"She was my partner before I joined SVU." she admitted. "We hadn't spoken for nearly twenty years."

Tuotola smiled. "Come on, Liv. Let's get a drink."

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**It wasn't Liv who died, just to clarify.  
**

**~xMeganful**


	3. Amanda's Assault

**This chapter is graphic and may contain triggering material. I advise that sensitive readers should not read this story. I do not condone or encourage any of the violent or heinous acts performed or discussed in this chapter. Thank you for any and all views, reviews, favorites and follows. **

**Post-"Forgiving Rollins". Based off the promo and the #SVUScriptPageSpoiler by WarrenLeightTV.  
**

**I own nothing. All rights go to their rightful owners.  
**

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I find myself in Long Island City, pouring more drinks down my throat than I care to count. As I sit at the bar, I realize apart of me feels gone; the secret I'd kept for five years, freed from it's cage, now runs wild throughout the city and terrorizes me at every opportunity it gets. The building is quiet, the afternoon calm, but my mind feels numb and my skin too tight.

A man sits on the stall beside me, his face brutally familiar, "You're a hard woman to track. I hit half the bars in Long Island City." the air feels tense, each movement or sound threatening to produce a tear or a flinch. My partner, the man I trust more than my Southern blood, is the last person I want to see right now. I just want him to walk back out the door, promising to leave me alone and let me drink myself to death. I'm was over the legal limit by the time the urge to hit a casino became potent, so the only thing keeping me away from splashing every pence I own on a few chips is the thought of being arrested for D.U.I.

"I don't want to talk about this." I mumble, swishing the brownish liquid around in my glass, my eyes refusing to meet his. Fin leans in closer to me and I wonder what he must think of me; the _SVU_ _detective_ who kept silent about her rape for five years, during which she was telling hundreds of victims alike to press charges.

"I'm not leaving." he insists, his voice low. Taking a sip of alcohol in my mouth, I feel beat. Nightmares have consumed me during the late hours since early November, then everything became a trigger. Every face around every corner became Patton's, and every voice behind every door behind his too. Over the last few days, my walls have shattered and I've let myself become vulnerable. Fins continues, the question that seems to have been on his tongue the last few weeks released, "What happened with you and Patton?"

_He raped_ me is all I can think. He _violated_ me, he _forced_ _himself_ _inside_ _me_, he laughed when I had an _orgasm_, _then he_ _mocked_ _me_ for looking like hell the next morning.

Though I stay silent for a moment, staring at the dark wooden bar and the glass wrapped in my nervous hands. "I was Patton's shiny blonde protégé. The good girl. Smart. Just like he likes 'em."

"He took advantage of you, Amanda." he reasons, knowing the demons inside me are internally screaming that it's my fault. I worked SVU for six years in Atlanta and I've worked it for five in New York, _but it still feels like it's my fault._ I had a gun at my hip and years of self-defense training, _but it still happened_, and I kept silent.

When I transferred, I had told Olivia that something had happened. She asked questions, seeming filled with her usual concern for potential victims, but I assured her it _wasn't anything worth pursuing. _I had decided that Patton couldn't touch me in New York; he had no authority over me anymore. So I let him get away with raping me. Olivia had then told me that _that's how they win. _We then put away a rapist, her concern of my possibly rape gone. Nothing more was ever said.

Until now.

"The comments, the stares...I wanted by shower at the end of every shift. He got my alone...got me cornered..." I take a swig of my drink, hoping liquid courage will assist my confession.

_What happened with me and Patton? _

_"He raped me."_


End file.
